It’s fall season again!! Pumpkins, fall scented candles, cool breezes and holidays jumping at us every month! It’s my favorite season of the entire year. So we all come across fall checklists and one of the ones always there is a fall festival. We live in a small town so we are lucky enough that we have a Pumpkin Festival hosted by the Elgin Christmas Tree Farm not that far from where we live. We went this weekend and took our son who is a year and a half old. We went for the first time last year with him, so we are trying to make some new family traditions! I never thought family traditions would be fun, but I really enjoyed myself. This is how our day went.
I’ve never really talked about my father much, my story of him has always been one I have had to bottle up inside. My father is a topic that no one truly knows the entire story on. Throughout the years I was always told to not speak of him, to be ashamed of him, embarrassed of him, and to not seek him whatsoever. He was always a dark cloud over me, and carrying his name throughout many years of my life always gave me a sense of abandonment, a feeling of distance, and a flame of resentment and anger in my soul. I’m choosing not to live in silence anymore, so this is my story about my father. It is the uncut, untold story told by his only child, his one and only daughter, me.
Thsi pretty much summed up my day. Not a ton of elaborate explaining to do on this, except when cleaning up puke, it always makes ME want to puke. So disgusting. #mamaneedsadrink 😩🤢😷🍹
I’m going to confess, I am way to hard on myself sometimes and I know it. This morning it was in the kitchen at breakfast time.
This is what we had for breakfast. I made pancakes with fruit topping, over easy eggs and bacon for the family. Pretty normal, right? Do you know what I saw when I sat down? Pancakes that were not the perfect circle shape like I saw in the recipe picture, two out of the five I burned on one side, the fact I had to call my husband to flip them because I was getting overwhelmed from burning those two which made me feel like a home making failure, eggs that I prayed I wouldn’t break when I flipped them, and bacon that I can never, ever seem to get right. What kind of mom am I if I can’t even flip a freaking pancake without code red in the kitchen?! These were all my thoughts as I sat down. A delightful mixture of disappointment and frustration.
Why do I do this to myself? I’m not sure, but I know I’m not alone. Why do so many of us mothers strive for home making perfection? I think the answer is not that simple. False expectations, self-inflicted pressures, social media posts of perfect dishes with the right lighting and filters, a bouquet of fresh flowers next to the plate, a great picture crop and the whimsical life quote to go along with it all. Ugh, come on. The madness has got to stop! We need to stop doing this to ourselves. I need to stop doing this to myself.
“Snap out of it woman!”
I’m trying to redirect my thoughts. I need to see instead that I made yummy pancakes today for my family, that my husband enjoyed flipping those football pancakes for me, that these eggs came out perfect and the bacon was the first thing to go, as always. That my one year old son stuffed pieces of pancake in his mouth so much that pieces were falling right back out. These mornings with those tasty football shaped pancakes, eggs and bacon that I can never get right are what it’s all about. Imperfections are life’s perfect moments, and I need to start being kinder to myself. We all do. ❣️
I have heard this a million times. We don’t always cook together, most of the time during the hustle and bustle of the work week, I’m cooking dinner alone, trying to entertain a one year old, browning some meat, get some sides going and unloading the dishwasher from the night before. Weekends like this when we are able to slow down a bit, it’s nice to have a change of pace. We made tacos and Mexican rice tonight, nothing special on the plate, but special moments like this are what keep things spicy! If you know what I mean. 😉
A Boy and His Pug
So, I knew when starting this that not only would I be sharing my life and thoughts, but I would also be vulnerable to the opinions of the world. So that said, let get this going. This has been a huge part of my week, it’s been a rough, crappy week. This specific story is not over. Don’t judge if I open a bottle of wine at lunch, we have all been there. 🍷 #momlife