Well, here you are embarking on a new journey of important motherhood decisions! Let me be the first to congratulate you and to also tell you that this decision is not an easy one. The decision to be a stay at home mom comes with many possible questions and scenarios that play in your head. All the “what ifs, how will I, how will we, can we even?” questions were swimming in my head when I made that decision myself. After months and months of contemplating, the same important questions kept popping back up for discussion. So here you go mama, the most important questions you must answer to help you decide if you should transition to becoming a stay at home mom.
Should I Be A Stay At Home Mom?
What You Need To Know Before Becoming a Stay At Home Mom
1. Will my family’s financial situation allow me to stay at home?
This is the most important one in my opinion. Will your family be able to adjust to the new family income (or lack there of)? The easiest way to answer this is by a simple calculation.
What is your family’s take home income? In other words, how much is actually in the bank every month? Once you have this question answered, subtract what you are currently bringing in, since that is what your family would potentially be without. Ok, got that number? Good.
Now, add up all your family’s expenses; bills, grocery store money, entertainment, everything your family currently spends. Finally, find the difference between the two.
Can your family make it without your income or are you now in the negative? If you cannot currently afford it, revisit your budget and see if you can adjust some expenses such as unnecessary spending, consolidating payments, pay off any debt before embarking on staying at home, or any other miscellaneous or frivolous expenses. Answering this question is a big factor in whether your family could afford living without the income that you would not be bringing in anymore.
What our family did:
My husband and I added up all our bills and since we would be on only his one income, saw if he could afford to pay all the expenses. Once we determined that he could, we did a trial run of two months, where my income went into a savings account and we used only his income to pay for everything. Once those two months were done, we knew that we could financially handle living off of one income.
2. Can I manage taking care of my babies/children all day long? How will I accept leaving them with someone/somewhere else?
This was also a big one for me, and a hot topic in the parenting world. Only you and your S/O can decide what is best for your family. Whichever is your answer, you will have to think about it a lot, especially if you have a newborn you are debating to put in daycare, or children you just don’t want to be without.
How do you feel about day care facilities, do you trust/don’t trust them? Are you uneasy just thinking about the question? How will you function once you have dropped them off? Does the price of daycare outweigh your personal current income to where there is no benefit?
However you decide, it is a question you will have to face and come to an agreement with before deciding if you will be staying at home or continuing to work.
What our family did:
Personally, we were not comfortable with leaving our newborn in daycare, so we chose not to. I am sure there are many wonderful, state of the art, beautiful facilities, but for us, we decided we were not ready for that transition after my maternity leave. Again, this was our decision for our family, and what was right for us may not be right for another family. Regardless, it is a question that must be discussed and answered.
Will I make a good stay at home mom? What does it take to be a stay at home mom?
3. Am I ok with the idea of staying at home the majority of the time?
Let me say that yes, you can make schedules, yes you can go out to Story Time at the Library, the neighborhood park, the museum, the mall, etc., but there will be many days where being a stay at home mom will mean….staying at home.
Staying at home can be wonderful, there will be many bonding moments between you and your little ones, and it can be very fulfilling. On the flip side, being a stay at home mom can be very isolating, secluding, and at times even depressing. You will have less adult interaction because you are not in a workplace, you are staying at home with your child/children.
Only you can decide if this is a journey that is right for you.
What our family did:
I knew that transitioning from working my entire life to being a stay at home mom would be an adjustment. Once I decided I would stay at home, I made sure that I had a strong support system of friends. These friends have help me come out of the house and still maintain adult interaction, aka “me time”. Once a week I have girls night with a couple of girlfriends, and it has really helped me maintain some healthy adult interaction and at times, taken me out of hibernation.
4. Where am I at in my career and can I afford to take a break from it?
- Are you at a point where you can afford (professionally) to take a break from working?
- Would staying at home be a perfect time for you to enroll in some online classes?
- How will you be effected professionally by making this decision?
- Do you plan to go back eventually into the workforce and if so, how will you enter the market again?
These are all questions to think about when you are deciding whether or not to take a hiatus from being a working woman to being a stay at home mom.
Remember, just because you are staying at home, does not mean that you cannot generate some side income. There are plenty of options that will pop up when you do a simple google search for working from home.
For example, if you have a hobby, are skilled at crafting, knitting, or painting, you can open up an Etsy shop.
What our family did:
For us, we decided it would be a great time for me to enroll in online education. In the evenings when my husband is home, I go into a separate room and continue my education. I also love to write, which is where blogging comes in! 🙂
What should I do before becoming a stay at home mom?
5. Can I handle new responsibilities that come with staying at home?
- Oh yes, the traditional stay at home mom roles and responsibilities.
- What if any, are new responsibilities you will take on now that you will be home?
- Will you be cooking dinner every night?
- Are you picking up more chores with this decision than your significant other?
- Are you ok with that decision?
- What do they exactly expect of you now that they are “bringing home the bacon”, that you make it?
Lol, these are some conversations that should be discussed between you and your significant other so that if and when the decision to transition is made, there is no confusion on what roles you will now have or disagreements down the road.
What our family did:
I am by nature a person that likes to discuss things, so I wanted to know exactly what was expected by my significant other to do, if anything new. Before we would split making dinners during the week while we both worked, but since I would be staying at home, I would now make all dinners during the week.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have pizza night when I am too exhausted from chasing a toddler and being pregnant (currently while I am writing this). Tonight it was Pizza Hut. Just make sure if they expect anything different, it is out in the open.
6. Can you handle the criticism/judging that comes with the decision to transition to being a stay at home mom?
Oh yes, the judging. I didn’t think I would ever get it when I made the decision to become a stay at home mom and everyone would be completely supportive, but I did get some negative feedback. From the beginning to now which is two years later, I have gotten several side eye, crude remarks. Some have been:
1. So, you just stay at home all day and do nothing? ( I wish! Lol)
2. Must be nice to live off your husband.
3. Your husband just wants you barefoot and pregnant at home.
4. Don’t you have any dreams of your own?
5. So how long are you going to keep this up?
6. The longer you are out of work, the less marketable you will be.
Everyone is going to have an opinion, and not all of them will be polite. Make sure you can handle that or not, the decision is completely yours, but one that you will encounter when you decide whether or not to be a stay at home mom.
What our family did:
Honestly, I could care less about what other people think. Are they paying my bills? Raising my children? No and no. You have to decide if people’s opinions will eat at you or not.
So there you go, mama. I hope these important questions helped you in deciding whether you should stay at home or not. I know it is tough decision, and also an extremely personal one. Which ever you choose, you got this! Best of luck.
*** Side note: Want to know how much a stay at home mom is worth, money wise? Click here.
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I enjoyed reading this. I made the transition to stay at home mom from working mom about two years ago. There are so many considerations and adjustments but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Author
Yes, it’s been almost two years for me too. I wouldn’t change it either, it’s been a great decision for my family.
This is full of great questions. It’s not an easy decision to make at all. Your advice is spot on
Author
I agree, it’s a really tough decision, and thank you!
We are sooooo with you about having a support system of friends! Makes such a HUGE difference!
Author
It totally does! Helps with your sanity, lol.
The trial run with the income going into a savings account is a brilliant idea!
Author
Thank you! It really helped us to see if we could truly live off one income and when we made the decision, we had a nice little cushion in savings too! 😊👍🏻
I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years. It was a rough transition, but it was the best decision we made.
Being a stay at home mom definitely requires some planning and preparing. I don’t think I was quite ready for it, and it was a little bit of shock going from having independence and a social life (at least at work), to being home all day. Being a new mom can also be very isolating. There are lots of pros and cons to consider.
Author
I totally agree with you. ❣️
My important question is No 6. Handling criticisms. Some people are judgmental, they think they know it all. I’ve just started blogging and I’m planning to be a SAHM after a year of blogging. The tips above are informative and useful.
Author
Thank you! It’s very easy to let it get to you and get upset. I had to constantly remind myself at first that everyone is going to have an opinion, but if they don’t pay my bills or raise my children, I’ve just gotta let it slide. It’s MUCH easier now after getting into that mindset. 👍🏻
I tell ya what some days I struggle with number 2. I mean I love my kids but we get tired of each other especially as a homeschooling mama! I think you covered everything!
Author
Oh yes! I’m sure as a homeschooling mama it’s an entire other level!
There was a quote I read once and I can’t remember it verbatim, but it went something like “The irony of Being a stay at home mom is you feel lonely, yet you are never alone.” Being a Stay at home mom isn’t for the faint of heart. Thank you for posting!
I made the choice to become a stay at home Mom when I was a 19 year old girl having my first baby…. I never regretted it for one moment and loved having all that time with my children… I am 43 now and divorced but due to some smart investments, I am still a stay at home Mama for my special needs child….
This are good questions to ask, i made the choice to be a stay at home mom. These where questions thy my husband and I had to seat down and figure it out.
It’s one of the hardest earliest parenting decisions there is to make; this is a sound list of points to consider when weighing your choices!
Those are some really important things to consider! I’ve been a SAHM for about a year now and there are things I miss about working, but overall, I’m so glad that I’m staying home.
Really helpful. I’m hoping once my baby comes I’ll be able to be a stay at home mum for the first few years. It’s a big consideration.
Yes I agree with you on these. There is so much to consider when deciding to be a stay at home mom. I pray that one day I will be able to do so full time:) Great read.
What a brilliant set of questions. I’m a working mother who is currently on maternity leave so this post really resonated with me. Great post x
Great important questions to ask. Really sounds like you did what was best for you and your family.
Very accurate post. If I wouldn’t have asked myself these questions before becoming a SAHM I would’ve entered into a whole new world completely unprepared!
Great questions to think about I’m sure!
I’m a stay at home mom and it’s not easy. Most people say, you have good days and bad days. Yea it’s true, but mostly it’s mixed in each day with some days just being overall worse. But I would rather be the one raising my children, teaching them how to walk and talk and how to have manners. I’m going insane but I love spending time with my children.
Author
Same here! Sometimes I go crazy inside these walls, but it’s worth it each and every time I look back on my decision.
I love how careful you are in here to make sure you paint these questions as a conversation that could have different results. This isn’t an argument to persuade someone to take a particular life path just because you did, it’s your experience on how you were able to find compromise in life as a Mom.
Author
Thank you! It’s exactly what I did when I was clueless.
This is so helpful for me!! My husband and I are actually thinking about me staying at home when we have our second baby but I am truthfully afraid because I am only used to having a work schedule and “life” on the side.
Author
It is a huge transition! I hope these questions help you decide if it’s right for your family.
Great input! I don’t have kids but have always wondered how I will tackle this when the time comes.
Some great suggestions here. I really like the idea of the trial run with the finances – that can be applied to so many major financial decisions in life!
Such great questions to ask yourself!
Awesome questions! Being a stay at mom has definitely been a full time job for me with my son and I love it.
I decided to stay home and homeschool my kids (rather than continue teaching) over 10 years ago. For one because after daycare I really wasn’t making much and for two I just wasn’t getting quality time with my kids. They are only kids for so long. We may have struggled from time to time, but I wouldn’t go back and change it. I love how close we all are and the memories have been priceless!
These are all great questions. I think sometimes we make things work if we really want to, regardless of if we can or should.
These are great questions to ask! It’s so important to have a strong network of other Mom friends who are staying at home. It makes it so much easier to meet up for play dates on a regular basis. And yes, it’s a lot of time at home…in your house that will probably be messy.
I loved the way you approached this subject. Posing the questions and then how you responded to them is very helpful in making such an important decision.
This is a great article that really gets to the meat of the bone. As a mom of grown children I found myself making that decision for my mom who struggled with dementia. I made a choice to stay at home with her because of the ridiculous cost of adult daycare and my husband and I pretty much had to do the same thing and ask ourselves the same question because of costs and our own retirement in a few years. It basically came down to choosing to be with her and a decision I do not regret. Love wins!
I am a stay-at-home-mum myself and, like you, just couldn’t fathom someone else potentially looking after and raising my little ones while I went out to work. I consider myself very lucky to have had that time with both my children but also think that it isn’t for everyone and everyone has to look into their options before making such a decision. I think you’ve made some really good points here for anyone considering to become a SAHM and as long as it works for your family, it’s the right decision to make 😉
Making the decision to become a stay at home mom is a big one. You’ve covered the serious questions you must ask yourself before making this decision. The right choice is different for every mom. I’m sure this post will help lots of moms make the decision that is right for them.
Good questions. Makes me want to go back and discuss our roles in more depth. I loved your tip about a trial 2 months where you put your money in savings. Great resource. Thank you! ❤️
Thank you for your advice! I am a work from home mom and I find your post really thought provoking. Good job!
I think it is so important to ask yourself if you will still be able to thrive and be social as well when you are a stay at home mom.
Such great questions to consider and discuss as a couple. I remember when we made this decision over 11 years ago now. I am so grateful that I am able to stay home with my children, what a gift.
I love being a stay at home mom. Having an encouraging community is such a great source of encouragement, too!
Such great points! These are exactly the things you have to look at before taking the leap!
I love this! For me personally, I knew I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and something that my husband and I wanted for our future children and so honestly there wasn’t even much discussion once we started our family.
I love this though to share with friends who question if this is right for them.
Thank you for sharing your experience and tips.
great post! there are so many things to consider when deciding to be a sahm. i didn’t realize how much i’d be actually staying at home until i became one! you are always on baby’s schedule!
-cassy @ http://blissfullyher.com
These are great questions! Thanks for the read!
Whew…so many good things to ask yourself and bring up with your family. But in the end, even if you answer all the questions, it can still throw you for a loop!